When and how we consent to euthanasia is very individual. Not just the circumstances, but the feelings and emotions surrounding it. Only we know what our pet means to us - the memories, love and tough times we’ve shared. And our feelings about euthanasia. Others may sympathise, offer support, argue even. But nobody else can really understand. And sometimes that feels very lonely.

This article looks at the decisions surrounding euthanasia in pets. When do we decide, how do we decide, the challenges and doubts, how to make things peaceful, where to find help. And above all, how we keep our pet and their wellbeing at the centre of any discussion surrounding euthanasia.

When is the right time to euthanize a pet?

Pets with a serious or worsening illness

Sometimes people (including vets) say ‘you’ll know when the time comes’. From a lifetime of experience as a vet and pet owner, it seems to me that’s only partly true. Because knowing that the time has come and actively facing up to it are two very different things. It's so much easier to believe things may be better tomorrow. Or one more dose of treatment, one more operation should work. Get them back on their feet again. It's then that we need all the help we can get to take a step back and look at the facts and the reality. And decide what is the best outcome for our pet.

Talk openly and honestly with your vet. Ask your vet to be honest with you about:

• The likely success of any further treatment

• What that success will look like: survival or quality of life?

• How long will any improvement last: will things recur and even worsen?

• What are the risks or potential side-effects of further treatment?

• What does treatment mean for your pet: home treatment, vet visits, hospitalisations, more medication, surgery?

• How will they cope with that treatment?

• How will you cope with further treatment? How are you coping at present?

• And yes, do include an honest talk about the cost.

Advances in veterinary medicine mean there's much more we can do to treat serious illnesses. But the question isn’t always what can we do to treat a condition? But rather what should we do for our pet's wellbeing? If quality of life is lost, it’s reasonable to consider whether we want our final days with our pet to become dominated by struggles to give medicine. And seeing them avoid us as a result. Particularly if the best we can hope for is a delay to the inevitable and possibly traumatic endpoint.

Very elderly pets

Some pets lead a wonderful active life long into old age. But over time the body and brain will struggle. Advanced age may bring some difficult challenges:

• Poor appetite and severe weight loss

• Weakness and difficulty standing

• Incontinence

• Dementia

• Behaviour changes: no longer interacting with their family, disinterest, occasionally aggression

Caring for a very elderly pet can be both physically and emotionally draining. It can be a rollercoaster of sadness, frustration, guilt and exhaustion. If we think of it at all, we always hope our pets will die quietly in their sleep, in their favourite spot, after a full and happy life. Sadly, death in old age or illness rarely comes that way.

Quality of life guides and questionnaires can help distressed pet owners to assess the life their pets are living. No questionnaire can sum up a life. But they can help to shed light on the reality for a pet when it’s hard for us to step away from our fear of losing them. These questionnaires ask us to actively consider our pet’s daily lives:

• What they struggle with: things that may be painful or they just no longer seem to enjoy.

• What do they still enjoy: food? cuddles? A potter and sniff in the garden?

• How does this compare with the life and experiences they used to enjoy?

• How does this compare to the life and experiences you shared?

• How does this compare with what you want for them? What they may want for themselves?

If your pet no longer has quality of life, euthanasia will be the kindest option. For vets, the purpose of euthanasia is to prevent suffering. That’s how we can face carrying out this heartbreaking procedure on a weekly and sometimes a daily basis. As owners and vets, we want to avoid leaving it until a pet is suffering to make this decision.

When should we talk about euthanasia?

Try to talk to family and friends about euthanasia well before the emotional turmoil of making a decision.

• Involve all family members: especially older children who have grown up with a pet

• Share your concerns with your vet early on

• Make an appointment to talk to your vet without your pet in the room: ideally last appointment in the day so you don't feel rushed. Use this time to have an honest discussion about your pet’s health and any reservations about euthanasia

• Ask any questions about the procedure or what happens afterwards

• Explore options for memorials: hard at the time, but less upsetting than later

How can we make euthanasia as peaceful as possible?

Once the decision is made, the priority is making the experience as relaxed and gentle as possible for your pet and yourself.

Options may include:

• Euthanasia at home: especially for cats and dogs who are nervous at the vet practice or stressed by travel.

• Your vet coming out to the car park if your dog is happiest and most relaxed in the car.

• Giving sedation medicines at home or on arrival at the vet surgery. Your pet can remain relaxed and stress-free.

Should I stay with my pet during euthanasia?

This is an entirely personal decision. Don’t feel pressured by anyone else’s views or anything you read online. See our articles on euthanasia in the Joii Pet Health Index for more information on euthanasia in cats and dogs. This may help you to decide what is right for you and your pet at this time.

Euthanasia is not taken lightly. We are privileged to share a life of love and memories together with our pets. With that privilege comes the responsibility - however heart wrenching - to ensure they have a peaceful, pain-free and dignified death.

Finding help with pet bereavement

The emotional turmoil rarely ends with the loss of a pet. For many of us, the grief continues and complex emotions may become difficult to cope with.

Whatever the circumstances, you may want to talk to somebody after your pet’s euthanasia.

There are organisations for support and a listening ear 24 hours a day:

• Blue Cross Pet Bereavement

• Samaritans

Joii can help with advice on:

• When to euthanize: quality of life assessments

• Understanding what happens in euthanasia

• Bereavement and loss support

If you have any questions or concerns, our online vets are here for you 24/7.